Thursday, January 19, 2006

Brighter days lay ahead

I think that the tone of my poetry implies how I have been feeling for a while now. It is amazing that a person can actually function and do the things that need to be done on a daily basis...with a lot of pain lurking inside.
I have been going through the pain of a separation, which includes my 4-year old daughter. This was because there were people more important in my ex's life than me. It was also because she left her 'comfort zone' in Denver to come here...which ended up being a bad decision on my part to ask her to move here.
But just packing the car and leaving with my daughter, while I was recovering from surgery (a minor hernia repair) has left me bitter.
I know brighter days lay ahead. I know this in my heart.

When It Ends

Heart battered
Dreams shattered
everything gone
that mattered
nothing left
emotions
scattered
nothing
left
everything
tattered


Eric Z.
12/2/04

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

What Is Goth? (Part 1)

I deleted a previous post to write about this 'Goth' thing (for those interested) that I often refer to...I just thought it to be more interesting a subject; especially since I get asked a lot about what it means to be Goth.
And unfortunately, there is no easy answer. It is so complex an answer, I have to break into 'parts', as it were.
It means different things to different people who consider themselves goth. So here we go...I'll do my best...

Common and undeniable characteristics of goths are:

Goth is not evil, nor is it a religion: It is both a philosophy and an idealism of which personal beliefs are not discriminated. There are many Christian goths, there are many agnostic goths and many other types of goths. People who worship the devil are not universally accepted into this subculture. They represent the smallest percentage (roughly 3 percent).

No prejudices exist: People are accepted for who they are, no matter their color, beliefs, or sexual preference (the latter of which is subject to the personal beliefs of the Christian goth).

Creativity and self-expression: are two of the common elements that link all goths. The central idea that characterizes Goth is an almost compulsive drive towards creativity and self-expression that seeks to reach out and ensnare its audience using society's covert but deeply rooted fascination with all things dark and even scary. This act can be either subtle and seducing or scary, but it must play on what society secretly knows but can not acknowledge to itself about its duality. The mediums of self-expression and creation can be anything from a mode of dress to novels (i.e. Edagar Allen Poe) or music. Imagination and originality have always been key elements in Goth.

Not all goths are depressed: nor do they all wear black, listen to the same music, or employ the same modes of self-expression. This tends to make Goth-spotting a little tricky and creates part of the tangled confusion over what it is to begin with, but this diversity also is one of the defining factors.

Why the fascination with darkness? One of Goth's defining characteristics is the need to take the underlying darkness that is in all of us and bring it into the light in such a way as we can recognize it as what it is: an integral part of all of us, for better or for worse.

Goths do not hate society: They just do not embrace it at face value. Goths tend to be anti-social, but yet like to be seen. The shallowness and discriminatory attitudes common-place in todays society is what they do not seek. That's why they have their own subculture in which to harbor themselves.
Violence is out of the question. Those who have incorporated gothic elements into their personality and have acted violently are not Goth.

But I'm not goth...am I? The gothic mindset is usually naturally omni-present within the individual. People naturally tend to migrate or are attracted toward certain things. Goths tend to naturally migrate towards the dark...but not necessarily for bad reasons.
Many non-goths have incorporated gothic elements into their lifestyle once exposed to said idealism.

END OF PART ONE

Pure Hands

SPONGEBOB?



Someone sent me this picture... :)

Untitled

Her heart it bleeds
for what it needs
a life spent
on good deeds
yet...
her heart it waits
hesitates
the pain inside
it suffocates
A life mistreated
hope depleted
Her life remains
uncompleted
holding tight
...the dream
...the pleasant theme
where true love
reigns supreme


...Eric Z. 6/2003

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Pages Of Life

Love's requiem

Tear down
all your fences
Break down
your defenses
Put your gun
back on the shelf
I came here
...by myself
not to push
and not to shove
but only...
to give you Love

I am not so proud a guy that I cannot write about Love; especially being an amateur musician who's lyrics encompass all facets of life that I can possibly conjure. As such, I will be sharing some of my poetry intermittently on my blog.
Blogging has opened for me a new avenue of expression that is both rewarding and enlightening. Thank you my online friends, for all the encouragement you have shown me. I hope I can do likewise for you.
In the coming week, I also want to share some pictures of, among other things, instruments that I have. I didn't say I could play them LOL! But I give it one hell of a try.........

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Lately

...something disturbing has been bothering me, and I thought I'd post it here on my blog. I think blogs are cool because it allows us to express our thoughts in our own way. And most everyone that I've come across in this part of cyberspace are awesome...meaning ALL of you that have posted here on my blog :)
Problem is...I haven't been much in the 'posting mood' lately.
There is someone who's blog I had started posting on, and I think she actually did herself
in...yes...actually did herself in. And she said she was going to do so on her blog.
I feel bad for people who's lives are on the balance all the time, and I wish it was in my power to change things for them. But I know it isn't, and I know I can't. Because ultimately, we have to find it within ourselves to control our own destiny. I hate that this world is so cruel to some wonderful people, I hate that life has to be so difficult to navigate for some wonderful people, I hate when my own life becomes even remotely unbearable.
I get depressed. I lived amongst the gothic subculture all my life. I guess that's part of my natural disposition in light of all the futility of this world.
Thank you all for accepting me and visiting my blog, because I am not like most people I know or ever have known. The things that make most people happy don't necessarily make me feel that way. But stay with me, I've always some good things to say; just as I enjoy listening to you and your blogs.
Again, I had to vent...it is good to vent. Next time, I will be more cheerful :)

A Simple Pleasure

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS...my rant

Posting on
  • Angel's
  • blog today really got me thinking. I stated that sometimes I think that long-term relationships aren't suited to today's society.
    The success rate of marriages in America hovers around the 50% level. That's not very encouraging.
    I also mentioned that today, we even live longer than our forebearers did 100 years ago. That translates into being with someone for a longer period of time; a longer time to test the virtues of patience.
    There are also too many distractions in today's society. It's now much too easy to walk away from someone, even from children, and into another relationship. Non-accountability runs rampant.
    Too many people are not happy even with themselves, be it of outward or inward appearances, or a combination thereof.
    I do believe in long-term relationships, but I've even had some of my own go sour.
    Exhibit A:
    I am currently single, but not by choice. I'll save the nasty details and say that my ex-girlfriend just didn't like this little desert town of Alamogordo. She then made a conscious choice for my 4-year old daughter and moved back to Denver after about three months. So now, my daughter hardly sees her father anymore.
    And that's my point: The respect for long-term relationships post-millenium is at an all-time low.
    Do we (or our significant others) really need to look like movie stars to be happy? Do we really need the media to change the standards that God(if you are a christian) so ordained as sacred matrimony thousands of years ago?
    I'm 44 and still single(married once for five yeas)...but I am not unhappy. I'm just dissappointed and somewhat disillusioned by the lack of accountability that I've encountered in my life.
    Also, by virtue of being in a LTR in itself is no guarantee of mutual bliss.
    Yet I remain forever the optimist that one day...

    Tuesday, January 10, 2006

    FIVE THINGS THAT.......

    ....MAKE(OR DRIVE) ME CRAZY. I've been tagged by
  • Andrea
  • to list five things that make you crazy. If you are reading this, you have been tagged.

    1. The lines at Walmart (the ONLY major store here in Alamogordo). There is NEVER a short line. What really irks me is people who pull out their checkbook AFTER the total is displayed. They knew the purchase was coming beforehand, didn't they?

    2. I know this is a little bit of a pet-peeve...but when people chew with their mouth open...or talk with a mouthful of chewed up food LOL!

    3. Okay, I'm on a roll with this store thing: I hate it when something is on sale that you really need, and the shelf is empty. Rainchecks just make you feel worse.

    4. When the person that got to the four-way stop first just sits there, hoping that I go first. Then, like idiots...we both sit there. I mean...duh.

    5. And finally, that SPRINT phone guy(in the commercials) with the long black coat.
    I dunno...something about him that irks me.

    Bonus: I'll throw one more in: The car in front of you that doesn't go when the light turns green.

    Remember, you have been tagged.

    Monday, January 09, 2006

    Empty Room

    Blue Jean Blues

    Is it just me? Or does everyone have ONE pair of jeans that they always reach for? I think I have like six pairs of jeans. But there's only one pair that I think look good on me. People must think that I have no wardrobe. But if I'm going out in public, I want to be comfortable and 'hip'. I don't know why I buy so many when I have my 'favorite' ones. And I know they can't last forever. They even have some small tears near the top of the back pockets. So what do I do? I iron some patches on the holes. Once in a while, I will wear other jeans. But face it...your butt can't look good in all of them.
    I thought about this the other day when I was going to a New Year's party.
    Yeah...I know...I need a life LOL!
    "God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest." J.G. Holland